It has been along time since I found some time to sit down and type some words on to a screen. There’s been a fair few reasons for that; laziness, a hectic social schedule, working two jobs, existential anxiety and loneliness, to name only a few. Now I have found some time to write I am going to mentally explode onto the page and see what sticks, and whether this metaphor I’ve been championing for the past month or so is truly multifaceted.
I enjoy writing, I am not a creative person but I enjoy the process of stringing words together to make sentences and telling stories. Writing may well be my creative outlet and I receive relatively good feedback on it. So it does seem strange to me that I would go so long without putting some words down, the temporal distance between each post has grown and grown and I have felt less enthused to write. Until now. So why so long?
Since I gave up on the football coaching dream back in 2018, I entered the work force, initially in Vietnam, before moving to Italy and now Taiwan. No one told me, how tiring this kind of graft was, I previously wrote about my tiredness back in Vietnam, and mentioned it in passing a few times since, but giving my heart and soul to children has well and truly burnt me out.
That’s not to say I haven’t loved my jobs. In both Italy and Taiwan I have thoroughly enjoyed the teams I have worked with and I never dreaded going to work. I have met amazing people who are truly inspiring and who operate on similar wave lengths, and I have had the opportunity to have a lot of fun in my classroom with everything from second graders up to adults. The thing that I struggled with was waking up at 6:45am and getting home at 5pm, proceeding to ram some tasty tasty nutritious noodles down my throat, throw a football coaching session together, traverse Taipei and run a coaching session before getting into bed around 11pm, grabbing some much needed rest and doing it again.
And here comes the metaphor.
I’m listening to a podcast at the moment that is detailing an album, “Because the Internet”. The podcast “dissects,” each song, focusing on production and lyrical content. It has the potential to truly blow ones mind, hearing music you enjoy being broken down and analysed makes you realise how intentional everything can be. Anyway, alongside this album, Donald Glover wrote a screenplay. The first line of the screen play is “You can’t live your life on a bus,” which doesn’t mean much really, but interestingly (well interestingly to me) the last monologue on the album proceeding “Because The Internet,” is
I wish I could say this was a story about how I got on the bus a boy and got off a man more cynical, hardened, and mature and shit. But that’s not true. The truth is I got on the bus a boy. And I never got off the bus. I still haven’t.
I’ve taken this idea of being on the bus in a slightly different direction. Upon going in to work I asked a friend if she was scared of never getting off the bus. I described the bus as our job. It pays well and is really quite comfortable, you work hard and you get rewarded. The bus provides ready made lunch and with your comfortable salary you can look out the window and enjoy the ride. The issue with being on the bus is that you are not driving it, in this case the driver is the owner of the company I worked for. The driver of the bus dictates when you fall asleep and when you need to get up, the bus timetable from Monday to Friday is pretty rigid and jam packed.
There is nothing wrong with the bus, in fact there is lots right with the bus, there is a ready made community of people on board, ample food and drink and a comfortable existence for the rest of eternity. But after three years of being on the bus, I decided maybe it was time to get off. But is it really a good idea to get off the bus when the outside world is burning, this Taiwanese bus is the safest going.
So as of last week, I have stopped working at my school. I didn’t really intend to go back at the end of the year as my coaching has taken on more and more of my time. But being an incredibly agreeable soul I was drafted in to be a substitute as a new teacher was quarantining for two weeks, and then stayed around to handover to the new teacher. I enjoyed this month on the bus and was considering just staying on the bus. But when I looked deep into my own soul I could tell it’s time to get off, the exhaustion was beating me and I could tell the quality of both my teaching and coaching were suffering.
Since I have been off the bus, I have found time to partake in what I could only describe as soul satisfying activities. I have been able to read whenever I feel like it, I have managed to get in a few long runs around Taipei, I have even been able to go to the supermarket during non peak hours. The little things that I derive pleasure from have become actual options during the day, even writing a blog is now an option as I have countless hours back to myself. I have been unemployed before and it wasn’t a great time of my life, however this feels different, I still have enough coaching hours/income to pay the rent and enough for some food and the coaching provides enough day to day direction that I don’t exist in a directionless vacuum. This coaching work might mean that I am still on some sort of transport, but maybe this is more of a moped that I drive at night. (This is probably where the metaphor slightly falls down, any creative souls please get in touch).
As a British man, it is of the utmost importance that I under no circumstances ask for help, I must maintain a stiff upper lip and internalise any problems that may arise, anything else is a sign of weakness. To that end being finally able to say that I find the 9-5 grind too much has been quite liberating, I’m currently in the throngs of a book “Utopia for Realists,” (thanks Areeb) and the book floats the idea of a 15 hour work week, and broadly chastises the lack of leisure we are experiencing when really we should be experiencing more. There’s an interesting series of quotes in the book, “Nowadays excessive work and pressure are status symbols,” and “We have sacrificed our free time on the alter of consumerism,” are two that have stuck with me, I’m no longer happy excessively working and handing my free time over to consumerism. I have many good friends who work incredibly hard and I have nothing but pure admiration for them, but I want some free time back, and now I have taken it back (until further notice….).
In other more slightly personal news, my romantic relationship has ended. It was a fairly amicable parting of ways and one that suited both parties. In that respect I have gotten off another bus. The relationship bus. It seems now when you get off this bus in the 21st century you immediately look at the display to see when the next bus is coming. While your waiting for the bus you whip your phone out, boot up the app store and download one of many apps; Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and TanTan to name a few. I was actively encouraged to get on these apps and re-enter the dating pool as quickly as possible, as the famous (at least in the UK, and probably goes someway to explaining our needlessly high STD rate) adage goes, “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone.”
So off I went into the dating pool and my word it was a cacophony of comical errors and events. Having grown up with two older sisters I have always been comfortable in the presence of the fairer sex, but flirting has never come easily to me, although one previous girlfriend of mine told me that I only know how flirt. Luckily I was blessed with supportive colleagues who let me practice my finest lines; “What’s your favourite Chinese tone?” “What kind of apartment do you live in? You got an elevator? I’d love an elevator,” “Rice or Noodles?” In short its been a car crash. One unlucky soul who had the displeasure of my company for an evening was treated to a large dose of ignorance “Ahhh you live in Chicago, I’ve heard colloquially it’s known as Chiraq,” (obviously not a good idea to compare someone’s home town to a previous warzone), as well as somewhat drunk rants, “blah blah blah blah (genuinely cant remember what I said) and that’s why I hate consumer capitalism,” the look can only be described as a vague mixture of pity, confusion and fear. Being the best version of yourself for an evening can be truly exhausting.
So a few weeks back I realised I wasn’t ready to actual re-enter the dating pool and deleted the apps. I’m going to take a more natural analogue approach to life (I also just watched the social dilemma and that terrified me) and just let life have its wicked way with me. Let’s take this tenuous metaphor full circle; I’m going to leave the bus stop and just walk it out on my own for a while whilst taking in the natural beauty of Taiwan (shoehorning in these photos…).
Luke's Mystical Adventures 
taiwan # 1
Talking about natural beaty…… you are🤫💪😆
Beauty….
The Words from dutch to english….🤫