I know I haven’t been gone for very long, but I thought I wanted to probably write something before I start work properly tomorrow evening, it’s been a whirlwind of a few days, and one of those where I feel like I’ve done nothing but also been comically busy, and where else to start but the beginning. Having the traditional pre-flight pint felt weird this time round, instead of fear/dread/excitement/elation I felt completely apathetic, sort of like I was watching myself walk through a dream. The flight was called and I made my way down to the plane, this was when it got weird, the flight was bare empty, like properly empty, I had a whole row to myself, and I think the flight was probably only 10% full. Seems like Chengdu is the place to be. It gave me the chance to watch Amy (shouts to my girl LP, happy birthday) which I’ve been trying to watch for ages but never found the time. As the plane was so empty I got to lie across three seats and grab some much needed zzzz’s as I was arriving at 10am local time and the aim was to stay awake for the whole day. Half way through my foetal nap I work with a start and the thought of “WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WHY ARE YOU ON A PLANE TO CHINA” came careering through my skull. I did the logical thing and requested two wee bottles of rum.
The first day, truth be told was a bit nothing, I was picked up by my flat mate Isaac from the airport and we spent the day doing admin, changing money, buying bedsheets, sorting out simcards all that jazz. I appreciated his help for the day as I felt zombie like walking through the streets. I lasted to around 5pm then completely KO’d, like face down starfish sleep. I woke around 10 and decided to get out of the flat for a bit so made my first solo excursion down the street to the local Irish pub, an expat hotspot according to the internet. The internet lied, the only other white man in there was the pilot of my flight who oddly spoke more at me about the benefits of being white in China, apparently woman go cray for us, odd as I glimpsed his phone a photo of a woman holding a kid, I’m not saying he was married and had kids, but I’m saying he was definitely doing intercourse with Chinese birds whilst not piloting a plane.
I’m now aware this is becoming a daily diary so I’m going to skip some boring stuff, or make it super short. Woke up next day. Ran on the indoor treadmill. Met my new boss for lunch, this was a disaster. He text me an address, which was in Chinese, so set off early to find it, you sort of forget that absolutely no one speaks English here, so through a mixture of acting and aggressive gesticulation I found my restraunt, it looked plush, like real plush. I was expecting something like Isaac and I went to the previous day, a few benches and more of a stall than a restraunt, but this place was highbrow. Considering I was wearing an oversized jumper and a snapback (which I removed before going in; I’m no philistine) I was nervous. The meal flew by and Tate (my boss) seems sound. The rest of the day was spent wandering the city and local temple where I had a cute little exchange with a geriatric man, we even sat and fed the fish together, apparently there is an incorrect technique for feeding fish. Post this I decided to walk home as well, got lost, ended up clocking 20ishkm in one day, on the walk I saw a bloke on a motorbike get ploughed by a taxi, was real bleak. A quiet night then ensued, the high/lowlight being ordering from a menu I invariably don’t understand, point and hope is the tactic, mystery meat (something barked, potentially dog) and chicken feet is what you get.
Next day I spent planning coaching sessions, I’m coaching three age groups, 4-7, 8-11 and 11-15, and I’m really struggling to grasp how old a 4 year old is. Anyway that was fine, in the evening I had been invited to go play football with some local expats (wechat. Its dope). So I mastered the “metro” system and got to the pitch, not a bad set up, 7-a-side against a Chinese team. We, as a team, were fairly multicultural, 3 Brits, 2 Irish, 1 Portugese, 1 French, 1 Indo, 1 Indian. Now a quick note, or maybe even a realisation. I think everyone, in everyones head, thinks they are the stock or normal human. Like I am normal, well after meeting these guys, maybe I am not normal, maybe they are normal and I’m the wierdo. There was nothing overly wrong with them, they just didn’t seem quite sane to me. The one guy who I assimilated with was a Brit who got injured and went home in the first five. I don’t know why I thought this, just a general feel, this was compounded when one got injured and we were sitting down chatting, he had turned his ankle and just kept repeating “I think I’ve hurt myself,” which to me sounds like something you wail at the age of 7. I told him he shouldn’t play as he could exacerbate it. He then asked me what that word meant. I mean come on. You’re an English teacher dude.
The game itself was quite competitive, before the game they asked us to not run too much, which is a weird request prior to an actual game of football, but it all became apparent, they took an early lead, but after about fifteen minutes they started rotating subs every couple of minutes. They were all horribly addicted to cigarettes and needed to rotate smoke breaks on the touchline, hence the lack of running, anyway this wasn’t all bad as I got my nicotine fix quite comfortably just by asking to play wide left (sorry Mum). The game went on for 2 and a half hours and I went from the sublime to the stupid, after ramming in a half volley off the bar I managed to miss two open goals. The subway back was hellish as I don’t think I’ve ever been so sweaty, it’s really quite a humid city and this lead to inevitable calf cramp, everyone looked at me as I yelped in minor pain.
Bringing me firmly onto today, sorry for the length kiddos. I went to my office today and have my own little office for planning my sessions, it’s sparsely decorated. A lone picture of Roy Keane stares me in the face as I plan which is motivation to do things as quickly as possible and I’m pretty sure he’s now going to haunt my dreams. I had a comical photoshoot around the office for marketing purposes, my personal favourite was intensely leaning over a foosball table gripping a ball in front of me (I’ll see if I can pinch a few to throw up). The HR woman took me for lunch, which was an event in and of itself, here are a few topics we touched upon. Firstly she told me to smile more, after I explained that no one smiles at eachother in London she encouraged me to ditch this mantra. Over eating she explained that Chinese people eat their meals as quickly as possible, after this I wolfed mine down as quickly as possible, finishing a serious amount of time before her. She went to university in Leicester and asked me why British students aren’t very forthcoming with international students, didn’t really know how to answer that.
Anyway, wrapping it up now, it’s been pretty full on so far, but quite enjoyable, tomorrow is my first day of coaching and hopefully it goes without hitch but we will see about that. Oh, as a company we are still looking for one more coach so if anyone fancys an adventure fire me an email and I’ll give you some details.
Friend Count; still at 0 (this may change tonight as I’m going for a drink with a bird I matched with on tinder and her pals)
Luke's Mystical Adventures 